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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912445">A Reason For Fighting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SynysterViciousMyChem/pseuds/SynysterViciousMyChem'>SynysterViciousMyChem</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death Mentioned, Crying, Episode: s03e12 Night of the Battle to Retake the Wall, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Levi reminiscing, M/M, No Regrets manga mentioned briefly, One Shot, Slice of Life, They love each other, is Levi out of character or has he just had enough, major spoilers for season 3, mentions of their past/how they met, seriously dont read if you haven't finished season 3 or read the manga on god, this is sad and self indulgent, trying their best for things to be okay but it's just not</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:01:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SynysterViciousMyChem/pseuds/SynysterViciousMyChem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi bent down wordlessly, burying his head in the crook of Erwin’s neck and embracing him fiercely, his hands gripping hard around Erwin’s bicep and shoulder. He breathed in deeply before speaking. “Please stay behind, I cannot lose you. I couldn’t bear it.”</p>
<p>Levi pleads with Erwin to stay behind one last time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Reason For Fighting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I hope you enjoy, I am so very proud of this one &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Erwin looked upward upon his lover, thrusting up earnestly into the tight heat of Levi’s entrance, watching as his passive face twitched and contorted in pleasure with his movements. Levi’s charcoal black hair was hanging in damp stands over his furrowed brow, while his grey eyes sat at half mast and stared into Erwin’s. The full moon pouring through the window casted shadows and hazy blue light throughout the room and upon the contours of Levi’s muscular body. Erwin thought he resembled a perfected statue, a cherished work of art that was meant to be looked upon and adored. “<em>Oh Levi</em>.” Erwin’s gruff whisper rang warmly in Levi’s ears. It was his devotion to the man who flies on ODM gear like an angel of death, the man who rules his every thought, a prayer to the man he holds above all others. </p>
<p>Levi could feel his orgasm building as he rode Erwin fervently, quiet gasps escaping from his small rosy lips with each of Erwin’s upward thrusts. The room was filled with the intimate sounds of their heavy breathing and the obscenity of the slap of their bodies moving against each other. Levi savored the gentle sensuality of Erwin’s large hand moving from his thigh then upward to take a hold of his hip, caressing his overheated skin before moving to his ass and squeezing him roughly. It was simple intimacy, but Erwin’s touch brought him over the edge. Levi bore down onto Erwin’s cock with a strangled moan, focusing on the deep groan of his name on Erwin’s lips and the sudden clench of Erwin’s sweat slicked abdomen beneath his palms. Levi’s head hung limp as the warm sensation of being filled by Erwin’s orgasm caused him to tremble in overstimulation. Regardless of their lovemaking, there was a great sense of melancholic uneasiness throughout the room. It was intruding, all encompassing, and impossible to ignore, as it was as obvious to them as the soft blanket of moonlight throughout Erwin’s room. An expression of sorrowful contemplation spread across Levi’s face. </p>
<p>He was certain that if the man he loves were to join them to reclaim Wall Maria that he would surely perish. </p>
<p>Neither men were under any illusions that death wasn’t staring them down, ready to greet them with open arms come their arrival at Shiganshina. They’ve seen war too many times to know that the expectation of both of them surviving to see the day after a battle this monumental was naïve, especially with Erwin so cruelly maimed. A foreign tightening in Levi’s throat made its presence known. Then tears. Unexpected, they began to sting his tired eyes and cling to his dark eyelashes. Levi couldn’t remember the last time he wept. Had it been for Petra? For any of the countless comrades he's lost since then? He hadn’t the slightest idea. He blinked once in shock and they trailed small paths down his cheeks. Erwin furrowed his large brows in concern and squeezed reassuringly upon Levi’s hip. He could easily discern what was troubling him; the very argument from hours prior where Levi had pleaded with him to safely stay behind, to stop him from riding into battle. “Levi, it will be alright.” He felt as though he could laugh bitterly, resentfully at Erwin’s frivolous comfort. All in vain. Nothing was going to change, the pit in his stomach remained.</p>
<p>Levi bent down wordlessly, burying his head in the crook of Erwin’s neck and embracing him fiercely, his hands gripping hard around Erwin’s bicep and shoulder. He breathed in deeply before speaking. “Please stay behind, I cannot lose you. I couldn’t bear it. <em> Please Erwin.</em>” Levi’s voice was barely a whisper, and the words that fell from him landed pleadingly upon Erwin’s ears. When it came to the man Levi loved, begging was nowhere near beneath him, even though he knew too well that Erwin’s mind was set and there would be no changing it, even at the possible cost of his life. It was truly unfair. That is the only word Levi could fathom. <em> Unfair. </em> </p>
<p>The trembling grip Levi held upon Erwin’s bicep tightened as though he thought Erwin would float away, his other hand moving to cup the side of Erwin’s sculpted face. Erwin leaned into the warm touch, briefly closing his eyes and sighing once, lightly. Levi loved Erwin’s cheekbones, he simply loved everything about him. Including the very stubbornness that could be his downfall. Tears spilled forth and landed on Erwin’s chest as he gazed upon Erwin’s face lined with worry.</p>
<p>For the first time since Levi was a boy, abandoned so young, all he could think of doing was crying over how bitterly cruel the world was. Levi couldn’t bear to lose Erwin because he loved him more than he had loved anyone, plain and simple. He was his beloved, his closest bond, the man where if they lived in a perfect, foolish world, he would call him his husband. But soldiers like them don’t get married, they die on a battlefield wishing if only they could just see another day. Levi never wanted to be a soldier. He had been given an ultimatum by the very man whose head was held so tenderly in his hand. He could still see Erwin looking so young with wild eyes full of exuberance, giving him and his comrades the choice: join the Scouts or face the consequences of their numerous crimes. How he hated him then. </p>
<p>Why did he ever allow himself to love someone as fiercely as he loves Erwin? Why grant this vulnerability when any day could be your last? It was a weakness as obvious to anyone as a wound with soft entrails exposed, gushing blood and throbbing. If himself from six years ago could see him now, he’d scoff at how pathetic he was.</p>
<p>Erwin placed a gentle kiss atop Levi’s head and wrapped his arm around the small of his back, tenderly hugging Levi closer to him. “Dry your eyes, Levi. Please know that my decision is unchangeable, even by you. Come what may, I am prepared for it.” Their eyes met each other’s once more and Erwin carefully wiped away a fresh tear rolling down Levi’s cheek. “Please,” his voice had regained its conviction, “<em>Erwin please. </em>You’ve given so much of yourself. Don’t lose your life in the process too.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s heart was breaking as he looked upon the sight of Levi so completely lost, so desperate. It was an alarming, foreign sight. The man before him was one of harshness, of cruelty at times, of firm rationale and blasé expressions. He had known Levi for six long years, and never had Erwin seen him in such a state. Erwin continued, his voice quiet and soothing. “Can you promise me two things, Levi?” </p>
<p>Levi’s voice was a mere whisper, “depends.” Erwin sighed, resting his palm on the side of Levi’s face and despite it all a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, tenderness growing in his blue eyes as he gazed upon Levi. “Whatever is to happen in these upcoming days, please keep yourself alive as best as you’re able.” Erwin’s eyes grew misty as his sad smile widened, “quite frankly, If I think of you dying, it leaves me completely panicked. Sickened. I need to know you’ll live,” he took in a shaking breath, his voice lowering, “especially if I should not.” Levi looked upon Erwin in indignation. He wished to slap him, to call him an asshole and tell him he could say the same about him, but he didn’t, he simply laid his head upon Erwin’s chest and listened to his breathing. </p>
<p> “And the other?” </p>
<p>Erwin paused before speaking, opening and then closing his mouth with pursed lips like he was second guessing his next words. He tipped up Levi’s chin gently, ensuring their eye contact. “Don’t grow to resent me or my stubbornness if this mission should lead to my death. If I should die and leave you behind, Levi, please forgive me.” Levi squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed an ugly, disquieting sound, his head dropping heavily upon Erwin’s chest. He felt so bitterly defeated, shaken by the confirmation of what he truly feared was a possibility. It settled deep within him. In that moment his new reality became apparent, and instead of wishing differently for a new outcome he made peace as best as he was able. Erwin was going, that was that. Levi took Erwin’s hand into both of his, “I could never resent you. For anything.” Erwin squeezed Levi’s hands affectionately before taking his hand out of his grip to again wipe away the tears left to cool on Levi’s face. Erwin bent forward to kiss Levi’s forehead, “thank you.” Erwin turned them onto their sides where their bodies laid flush against each other. Levi's head was nestled under Erwin’s pointed chin and he draped an arm around Erwin’s solid waist.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Time itself didn’t feel real as they laid together, comfortably, wordlessly. Erwin’s room was warm and familiar and not too far away from where they were, the Scouts were celebrating one last night before battle. Levi glanced upon the blunt wound of what was left of Erwin’s right arm and he felt a pang of melancholy in his chest. He could remember the feeling of nausea taking over him when he first burst into Erwin’s hospital room and looked upon the agonizing sight of his lover maimed and comatose from blood loss. When the door had slammed against the wall in his overzealousness and Erwin hadn’t stirred at the commotion, panic truly began to set in for Levi. He remembered sitting with Erwin, day and night, with his remaining hand in his, waiting with high anxiety for Erwin’s blue eyes to open once more. For as long as Levi had known Erwin he had been such an imposing figure of strength, standing tall over most with severe features and a quick wit to match. But there, in that hospital bed, he had looked broken, weak, pale with blueing lips and blood soaked bandages. It had shaken Levi more than he cared to admit. Maybe in his foolish subconscious he had thought that Erwin was impervious to death, to injury, just by sheer will. It had been a sobering realization of his lover's mortality, and as Erwin laid across from him now, alive, with a post orgasm flush and a tender smile upon his face, Levi had never felt more grateful. </p>
<p>A loud clamoring of voices rising to a crescendo interrupted their silence and Erwin laughed lithely. “My, they sure seem to be enjoying themselves.” Levi sighed annoyedly, “yes they do, don't they?” He gave a chaste kiss to Erwin’s flushed cheekbone and sat up, casting his legs over the bed. He stretched, feet hovering inches from the wooden floor. As he leaned to the side to find his clothes tangled in the sheets of Erwin’s bed, Levi felt Erwin’s hand return to his hip and caress him lovingly, “your body is a true work of art, Levi,” Levi looked behind himself and smirked before standing up slowly, his movements somewhat exaggerated. “You think so?” Levi began to dress himself, moving languidly. The moonlight seeping in through the window highlighted the contours of Levi’s muscular frame. From the sight of the seductive smirk upon Levi’s face, the patch of dark hair trailing down his stomach to his cock, and the strong muscles of his thighs, Erwin could feel his arousal returning.</p>
<p>“And where do you think you’re going, Captain?” Erwin’s tone was playful. Levi was tucking in his grey long sleeve shirt and buttoning his fly as he responded, “to check on the brats. Can’t be having any hungover soldiers tomorrow now, can we, Commander?” Levi mimicked Erwin’s playful inflection. </p>
<p>“No, I suppose that should be avoided.” Erwin was silent for a moment but the way he trailed off near the end of his words made it seem as though he had something else to say. He cleared his throat with his blue eyes still transfixed onto Levi who was now tightening his belt. Erwin’s voice was gentle as he spoke without a hint of trepidation. </p>
<p>“Levi, I want you to remember now more than ever that I love you very dearly.” Levi stopped his dressing suddenly to listen intently to Erwin. He could tell Levi had been taken aback by his words but he continued still. “There is <em> no one </em> more precious to me than you. Loving you, spending years with you has been a privilege. You’re everything to me.” Levi stared intently upon the nicks in the worn wood of the doorframe, ruminating on Erwin’s deep baritone before looking back to him, face unreadable. It wasn’t oft that they verbally communicated their adoration for each other, as it was something saved for sparse occasions. Levi didn’t exactly know why, maybe it was to make them seem more impactful or maybe they just didn’t feel the need. It was just three silly words after all; <em> I love you, </em> but in that moment, while looking upon Erwin naked, sitting up in bed, blond hair a mess with his form backlit from the full moon, those three silly words became so much more. Levi sighed softly, swallowed his pride, and came to the realization that if there was ever a time to lay himself emotionally bare before Erwin, it was this moment. Levi looked away from Erwin. He held a vice grip on the door frame, needing to hold onto something to feel grounded while he spoke.</p>
<p>“I remember when you first told me you loved me, years ago.” His voice was a gentle whisper, but still he spoke. “You know, no one had ever said those words to me before you. I’m sure my mother had long ago, but I was so young when she died, I can’t remember much of anything about her. You were the first person that I had met who treated me like I meant something to you, to this world we live in.” Levi cleared his throat, foot absentmindedly drawing shapes in the dust before the room's entryway. Erwin really needed to sweep up every now and again. </p>
<p>“I thank you, Erwin, for knowing me, for loving me as fiercely as you do. I don’t think I’d have any reason to go on for all these years if you didn’t.” Levi could feel rare emotions taking the better of him and he struggled to finish, finding the ability to speak becoming much harder with each word, “you are the reason I keep fighting.” </p>
<p>Levi looked away from the doorframe and turned around to face Erwin, who had been left astounded by Levi’s words. Never before had he opened up in such a way, and while Erwin’s heart was full of nothing but deep adoration for Levi and the vulnerable words he had spoken, a sense of dread began to grow. To make Levi say such things and to act like he has throughout the night, he must truly be terrified. Erwin could feel that same nagging fear building slow within himself. </p>
<p>“I love you Erwin, I mean that.”</p>
<p>Erwin stood up, casting aside the worn blanket and made his way to Levi unabashedly naked. He pulled Levi to him, feeling the prickle of Levi’s undercut on his fingers and palm as he cradled the back of his head. Levi relaxed into his embrace with a soft exhale, his head resting just under Erwin’s chest. They remained in each other’s hold, finding no need to separate until another distant uprising of noise could be heard from the direction of the Scouts. Levi scoffed into Erwin’s warm skin, enjoying the feeling of his cheek pressed flush against Erwin while he could. “I <em> really </em> should go see what’s going on over there. It’s too late for them to be this loud.” Erwin made a small noise of agreement, breathing in deeply and hugging Levi to him tightly once more before they separated. </p>
<p>“Will you come back when you’re done?” Levi nodded, now tightening the laces of his boots. “I might stay for a drink with Hange so don’t wait up for me if you get tired,” he looked up at Erwin, “unless you want to get dressed and come with me. I’m sure they’d enjoy seeing you.” Levi scoffed, “seeing their Commander might scare them into behaving.” Erwin smiled sadly, almost nostalgically, the corners of his eyes crinkling. He bent down low to press a soft kiss upon Levi’s lips, “I believe I’ll pass. I find myself not exactly in a partying mood tonight. Give them my best, will you?” </p>
<p>“I will. I’ll be back soon,” and with those parting words and a closed mouth smile, Levi closed the door of Erwin’s living quarters and began making his way down the vacant, sleepy street, the sound of the scouts party growing louder with each step forward. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>He didn’t know exactly what he was doing there, sat upon the stone walkway, slumped against a building or a wall of some sort. He had known he hadn’t drank much, but considering the lack of food in his stomach and the desperate want to calm his nerves, Levi had found himself quite intoxicated and he knew if he were to stand up from where he was firmly planted, he would certainly lose his footing and stumble. Levi reached for the wooden tankard of mead and held it in his hands. There was a half inch of amber liquid at the bottom but he felt no need to drink it, right now the tankard just served the purpose of keeping him company and ensuring his hands weren’t idle. Levi planned on returning to Erwin but the urge to be alone and to sit in the cool night air appealed to his drunken mind greatly. </p>
<p>There was a dull ache throughout his fist from the blows he had dealt Eren and Jean and the beginnings of bruising on his knuckles were starting to form. He knew Erwin would ask him about the bruises, he also knew Erwin would then halfheartedly scold him for being so rough with them. As he sat alone, Levi allowed the corners of his mouth to move into a tender smile, the rare type that reaches his eyes and alters his line of vision with his cheeks, causing lines to form that show his age. Erwin never was one for physical punishment, his gentle giant.</p>
<p>Cutting through the blanket of night silence were three sets of footsteps coming shuffled, the sound of minuscule pebbles and concrete crunching beneath the soles of boots made his addled mind snap to attention. The steps came slow from the direction of the Scouts' mess hall and he continued to listen as they made the descent upon the stairs. Whoever this trio consisted of, he was hidden from their view, as they were for him, so he listened on, not particularly being one to do something as petty as eavesdrop, but the want to distract his thoughts compelled him despite his better judgment. </p>
<p>From the familiarity in their hushed voices, Levi gathered that the group was Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. No doubt Armin and Mikasa were both helping a foolish and beaten Eren make his way around. Levi couldn’t understand it. The unwavering dedication they held for dismissive, bratty Eren couldn’t make sense in his mind, but then again, he never had a childhood bond as strong as theirs. Suddenly he felt perverse, hearing what such close friends had to say to each other in private seemed like such an invasion that he considered sitting up quietly and walking the short walk to Erwin’s living quarters. He considered this, but remained sat on the gritty masonry, his drunken curiosity getting the better of him. </p>
<p>He couldn’t hear much of anything they said until the rising sound of Armin’s gentle voice, his tone impassioned and full of hope as he talked of the sea, about his hope of seeing the vast body of water one day with his own eyes. The reason for Armin joining the Scouts. His reason for fighting. Such naïve reasoning, such a daunting and dimwitted dream from a person as smart as Armin. It made Levi’s heart break for the young soldier. Armin had always been different from the rest, for better or worse, and in his numerous differences, Levi saw so much of Erwin; wide eyed and hopeful, quick witted with intelligence and diligence seeping from every thought, every action. He knew Armin was still so unsure of himself, but maybe, if fate allowed him to live to see adulthood, Armin would learn to know his worth. </p>
<p>He had enough of this, the melancholy talk of dreams and baseless thoughts of fate. <em>It was all bullshit</em>. What was to happen, was going to happen, it’s as simple as that. Predictable to no one. Levi rolled his bleary eyes and began to stand up, and despite his impeccable balance, he found himself swaying lightly from the mead. Levi walked slowly down the deserted streets, his footsteps upon the cobblestone being the only sound that infiltrated the peaceful quiet that only the early morning hours could bring. In the distance, streets away, Levi could hear the faint sound of a dog barking, and closer to him, but nowhere he could see, he heard a door noisily closing shut. Levi’s guard was truly never down, he never felt as though it could be, unless alone completely with Erwin. </p>
<p>And what was to happen to <em>him</em> tomorrow? What did fate have in store for Levi himself? The invasive realization that Levi truly didn’t care what happened to himself made him stop his walking. He laughed humorlessly, dropping his weary head into his clammy hand, the tankard slipping from the loosened grip of his other hand. He was only a weapon to be used, a weapon dedicated to killing titans, killing <em>people </em>if need be. He was to allow those of a higher power to decide his fate. If Erwin ordered him to die on that battlefield, he would, with not a singular second thought. Levi breathed in deep, pressing hard into his closed eyes before moving his hand down, rubbing his face once, taking note of the scrap of his facial hair before his hand fell heavily to his side. He needed to shave; a task for tomorrow morning. He picked up the tankard sitting uselessly in its own spilled contents and continued walking. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Levi stood in front of Erwin’s room and sighed before opening the unlocked door as quietly as he could. He stretched and set the tankard wet with spilled mead on the small glossy wooden table covered in various papers and thick, leather bound books. Erwin’s oil lamp was burning a moving, dim yellow light throughout the small space. Levi looked around the modest room, at the small bookshelf storing all of Erwin’s favorite novels, at the closet that held what little clothing Erwin owned, and finally his tired eyes landed upon Erwin himself who had fallen asleep sitting up against his bed's headboard. In Erwin’s lap he held a book Levi knew he had grown up loving; the story of a courageous soldier from a far off fictional land who fought dragons and saved the day. The book was most likely older than Erwin; a family heirloom perhaps, with delicately sewn seams slowly coming undone and yellow, curling pages that smelled faintly of mildew. Levi sighed and walked to the table, blowing out the small flickering flame of the oil lamp before starting to get undressed. He folded his clothing neatly and set them upon a chair that was pulled out from under the table, leaving himself in only his white cotton underwear. Levi took the novel from Erwin’s lax hold and set it gingerly upon the table with the other books and papers, eyes lingering upon the worn gold foiling upon its cover. The moonlight that at its height illuminated the room was no longer, now obscured by large clouds in a formally cloudless night sky. </p>
<p>Levi was sitting hunched over on the edge of the bed with his elbows upon his knees, looking sidelong at Erwin’s slumped form. The dread he had tried to drink away was steadily returning, and in his heedless, drunken mind Levi considered waking up Erwin and asking him to fuck him until it was forced from his mind again. To feel his lover so intimately once more. For just a few moments peace. In Levi’s absence, Erwin had dressed himself in clean under clothing but his hair remained disheveled from the sculpted way he normally wore it. He snored suddenly, eyes fluttering beneath closed lids and Levi smiled amusedly. He moved across the bed carefully for fear of waking Erwin with his movements, and gingerly curled his petit frame against Erwin’s body, where his spinning head laid upon Erwin’s bent abdomen. Erwin’s skin felt warm and inviting pressed under his cheek and Levi breathed in deeply once, resting into Erwin completely. He truly knew peace in Erwin’s presence. The rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing was enough to make Levi’s eyes grow heavy and he allowed them to finally close, ready to sleep and awaken tomorrow in Erwin’s gentle hold.</p>
<p>No matter what was to happen on the mission to retake Wall Maria, Levi would make his peace with the outcome, he’d keep the promises he made to Erwin and press on. </p>
<p>He had to.  </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Upon a thatched roof while weak from exhaustion and eyes weary with remorse, Levi made the decision to let Erwin rest, to finally spare him from this monstrous world. A linty of shallow breaths were still emitting from Erwin’s dry, bleeding lips and the dangerous illusion of hope began to wrap itself around Levi. Maybe Erwin would pull through and survive the long ride home, like he had months before, and maybe he’d recover and retire and <em> finally  </em>he would rest from this world in a different way. The thought was so incredibly naïve, yet Levi began talking gently to Erwin, apologizing, in a plea to keep him awake as long as he could; but when Hange gently pulled back Erwin’s closed eyelids and Levi saw the clouded blue lifelessness within his eyes, he knew his decision had been finalized. </p>
<p>Erwin was dead. </p>
<p>Hange whispered to him, remorse was evident in her voice and Levi felt as though he couldn’t have possibly heard her correctly. Levi spoke, a small exclamation of despair that didn’t register with him, but still left vibrations of speech upon his lips. He could just barely hear the elated sounds of relief made by Armin’s comrades as they pulled him from his newly created titan form. He lifted a shaking hand to Erwin’s mussed hair and gingerly ran his fingers through it, memorizing its softness, how it fell upon Erwin’s forehead, the way the mid afternoon sun turned it to strands of spun gold. His fingertips lingered on Erwin’s cheekbones before he pulled his hand back slowly, reluctantly. </p>
<p>Levi surrendered his reason for fighting for the sake of another’s, and he knew he’d spend all his remaining days wondering if he had chosen faultlessly. </p>
<p>How he hoped Armin would one day look upon the sea.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My thinking for Levi when I was writing this is that I imagine his emotions are very high strung at this point in the series. A lot of shit happens to him in season 3, so I thought it only natural for him to reach a sort of realistic breaking point when it came to Erwin staying behind because of the possible cost of his life. Levi knew something bad was bound to happen to Erwin, so it made sense to me that he'd react in this way.  If you're reading this, thank you for sticking around this long &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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